"Look, even this puppet can say 'No, yes, yes, yes, yes!'"
"Johann, er, Joachim Meisner was one of my closest friends," explained the Holy Father. "Unfortunately we lost touch in recent years, although we used to exchange phone calls, Christmas cards and discussions of theology in the old days. In fact, I think I've got one of his letters here, which I never got round to answering. It was signed by four of my closest cardinal-friends, but Spadaro said that it was simply something complimenting me on the solid Catholic doctrine in Amoris Laetitia, and it didn't require any reply."
"Hey, Sosa! I've blocked ALL the Catholics on Twitter. Job done!"
"Anyway, he was a good man, and a good Catholic, which is probably why we grew apart in the last few months. I seem to remember that he wrote another letter, requesting an audience, but we popes are very busy men, and I just couldn't find time to see him. Or even to reply to his letter. We shall not see his like again - in fact I hope not!"
"And I wouldn't have given this numpty an audience, if I'd known he was going to wear Islamic rainbow socks."